Is it better to experience the highs and lows of deep emotion--fierce anger, consuming love, abject depression, abounding joy--or to temper the fires of feeling and moderate the psychological swings up and down?
It's not that I see the lows as a problem. I don't enjoy deep depression, but it has its place. It's necessary, as these things go, to balance out joys and happiness. I have no problem with swinging into low times, so long as they're balanced by highs.
Problem is that yoga (and if I have any spiritual discipline at this time, it's yoga) teaches temperance and moderation of emotion, taming all the fires into balance within the body, mind, and heart. I have temperance under control, dammit, and I'm not sure that I like it. I miss the ecstasies and passions of my life in Christianity. I miss intensity. I miss passion. And I miss the art that it allowed me to create.
I feel as though I may have tempered my emotions too well. Nothing really affects me. Nothing really moves me. No one really disappoints me. No one really angers me. I feel the mild, day-to-day versions of all these things: frustration instead of disappointment; annoyance instead of anger; contentment instead of joy. I experience emotion in pastel.
My conundrum centers around this question: what is the right way to be? Is there a right way to be? There may be an evolutionarily advantageous way to be; there may be a created order that I could follow. I'm not sure about either of those things. And if neither is absolute, then the real question is of who and how I *want* to be.
That I can answer easily: I want to feel.
But with that decided, I find I don't know *how.*








I read briefly through some of your work. I like very much!
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[link]
Bloggy goodness
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Hey! There's a message in my cereals! it says "OOOOO"
- Dude.. those are Cheerios!
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"that place inside
where bare toes dare not tread
and where
rather
would adorn socks
than try to sort through
any warning signs of missing comfort zones "
thank you (:
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let's go play on a baggage carousel
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